About That Asterisk…Guilt is Not a Strategy

Ever miss a goal you swore you were all in on - then beat yourself up like you just tanked the Olympics?

Here’s the difference between a momentary misstep and a pattern worth pausing for.

On Tuesday I shared some reflections on the leadership lessons I gained - or reinforced - by completing the #75Hard program.

One of the most powerful lessons? The real meaning of commitment.

We say we’re committed all the time. But how many times have you said, “I’m 100% in,” only to let circumstances take over? 

• I didn’t show up on time because I was stuck on a call

• We didn’t hit the product launch because the team couldn’t finish on time

• I missed the workout because… well, it was a long day

In those moments, we let the circumstance own us.

But could you have told the person on the phone you had to go? Yes. Could you have found a different way to meet that deadline? Probably. Could you have paused and asked yourself, “How will I feel after just doing the 45-minute workout anyway?” Always.

We often say we’re committed - but what we really mean is: I’m committed… unless something more urgent or convenient comes up.

Your word is only as strong as your willingness to honor it when it’s inconvenient.

That’s why I talked about identifying the why behind your commitment. What makes it matter to you? What will it feel like to follow through? What will it say about who you are when you do?

Once you’re clear on that - there’s no “kind of committed.” You’re either in, or you’re not. There is no but, if only, or as long as. That’s just lazy language.

But there’s more to consider.

There’s also a fine line between guilt and ownership.

Yes - there are days we could have honored the commitment and didn’t. And that’s when guilt creeps in.

And even subconsciously: guilt usually shows up when somehow we know we were lazy or out of alignment with what we said matters most.

But sometimes? We were committed. We were intentional. And we still missed a step.

And the world didn’t end.

So instead of spiraling in guilt or rewriting the story with excuses, just own it. Acknowledge it. And recommit.

Because guilt might help you justify a misstep in the moment - but it won’t move you forward.

And sometimes, priorities really do shift. The market changes. Your health changes. A loved one needs you. A natural disaster happens.

That’s not laziness. That’s life. Own the shift and move forward with intention.

Two examples from both sides:

During Week 9 of 75 Hard, I tweaked my lower back. I could barely sleep. But I could walk. Slowly. Could I have quit? Yes. But I chose to show up for my commitment. With a back brace. On the trail. Twice a day. Until I healed.

Take an athlete like Steph Curry. He strained his hamstring in the playoffs - did he push through and risk long-term injury? Or did he step out, rehab, and hope to return when it really counted?

Both are leadership. Both require intention. And both require the courage to own your choice - without guilt, and without excuses.

(Of course those of us in the Bay Area wish Steph could have come back a little sooner – I digress)..

Leadership recommendation:

• Are you carrying guilt for something that actually deserves grace and recommitment?

• Are you calling something a priority… but only when it’s convenient?

• Where do you need to get honest about whether it’s time to recommit -or realign?

You can’t lead from guilt. But you can lead from ownership. No asterisk required.